I’m finding this time a mixture of things.
I love the extra freedom to spend time in my garden (I grow many veg and flowers), and I walk to my studio most days to spend the afternoons there on my work. I know how lucky I am to be able to do these things, and to live by the sea, and in a relatively underpopulated area. In this time of shutdown there is no teaching so I’m able to put all my creative energy into painting and thinking about work – and doing related reading and writing.
I’m currently exploring the image of the snake/penis as an organ to receive…and the womb as an external organ of the spirit which is carried by significant creatures (horse, bird, leopard) – I could never have reached this imagery without letting go of ego/mental appraches/attachements (to a certain extent, at least!).
As an empath I’m finding the news about how health workers are being pushed to their limits extremely distressing, and families terrible premature grief is awful to behold. Not being able to say goodbye grieves me sorely. The government’s failure to do anything clear, transparent, honourable or competent is also causing me distress, and anger. I campaign against this government on Twitter (@katehorse).
I miss seeing friends, but being in touch on social media is a great thing. As something of an introvert this time is not so hard on me. I also make more phone calls to friends and relatives. Writing letters and sending pictures to people with notes by post is good. The initiative by Matthew Burrows on Instagram is very good, and I have sold a number of small watercolours.
Here are a few recent notes from my notebooks:
Pregnant Darkness (by Monika Wikman), p. 87
“any masculine spirit in us that thinks it ‘knows how it is’ can become the dominating thought form that kills experiential connection with the numinosum. The dominant culture can kill the most precious gift Jung pointed to – a felt, instinctual living relationship with the spirit of imagination…”
The Saturn archetype is Mercury’s polarity…
Hair-branches-sap-breath-mystery-snake-baby-golden child.
Hands-branches-roots-bird’s feet-claws-matrix-capillary mat-vein-arterial pathway.
Hands holding ectoplasm or the numinosum, the abundant, charged air.
A dream of pruning stuff to do with fathers, and where to dispose of the cut wood – thorny, brambles…
Black Madonna with skirt of earth and seeds.
Seeing with the navel. Resonance between the third eye and the navel.
I’ve been looking for something which was always lost, always will be lost. I hunted for it in all the wrong places. It was never for me. I’m more than ready to stop the search. I don’t even feel sad anymore. When you are ready change isn’t difficult; like changing gear without the clutch:when everything is aligned it will be smooth.
Iron John by Robert Bly p.55
“to receive initiation truly means to expand sideways into the glory of oaks, mountains, glaciers, horses, lions, grasses, waterfalls, deer. We need wildness and extravagance.”
I miss Italy. I miss being able to plan to visit Shetland or Orkney.
